Four years ago at this time, my 10-year old GSD Thorn was near the end due to hemangiosarcoma. I had his spleen removed, and it gave him nearly 3 good months before the Cancer spread somewhere else. He was so up and down, and I nearly made the big decision, but he WALKED into the vet wagging to see everyone, and I could not do it.
My vet said that he would likely die over Christmas when they were closed, and was I prepared for that. I said yes. I was just separated, and it was so devastating to be losing this gentle dog on top of that. Looking after him kept me going for those months after my husband left. The vet said that a death from internal bleeding is very peaceful, and described it to me. So, I sat with Thorn all by myself for two days - I spent Christmas alone, and he died at dinner time on Christmas Day.
This is my last picture of Thorn (above). We were alone, so I took it by myself. River sleeps on that bed every night. I actually left the house to go to a friend's for Christmas dinner - I knew I should not have left him - but he seemed to pull through every day and I thought - just for a few hours... and he died when I was gone. Some people say dogs, and people, tend to hang on when you sit with them, and by leaving, I gave him a chance to relax and leave that big old body. I cry and tell him I am sorry to this day that I left. I remember pulling over to the side of the road thinking 'what am I doing?' but I was not thinking clearly. Looking back, I believe it was at that exact time that he died.
When I look at the picture above, he looks so sad and I think - how could I have left him. But it's what happened and over time, I have learned to live with this story and know that Thorn probably just fell asleep and died peacefully. He was such a great dog, and in many ways it was sad that he died at such a sad and lonely time - when he should have been surrounded by everyone who loved him - but I gave him everything I could. By spring, I had Caden, and by summer I was here in Alberta living my new life! And thanks to Caden and my other dogs, I have met so many new friends. Below - Caden with Thorn's ball, April 2008.
It was, at the time, the worst Christmas ever. But now, looking back, I think about how peaceful and special it was to sit with him that way. We were able to let go together. Every Christmas I think about Thorn and how we went through his Cancer together - just the two of us. He would sit in the snow outside to cool down his body, and the day after he died I saw his impressions and they looked like snow angels. That day, I let go and cried so hard I thought I would faint. River went up and down the driveway sniffing the snow angels. This picture is of Thorn, about a week before he died in 2007.
One of the vets at my clinic met me on his own time, to take Thorn's body. He told me that right before Christmas, a lot of people put their old animals to sleep because it is hard to have them around during the holiday. It is one of the busiest times for euthanasia of old pets. I was shocked to hear it. He said that even though it was hard, they admired my love for Thorn and that I chose to give him a dignified, peaceful death at home.
I miss Thorn so much at this time of year. He was not much of a tracking dog, but he was so kind - he was a therapy dog, and just a great, great friend. I often wonder about his getting Cancer right after my marriage ended, as if he truly was an angel taking my mind off of such a sad time in my life. Thorn was the first dog I brought into my life after my mother died, and he helped me through that too. He actually picked me out when he was a puppy - as though he was a puppy from God.
Below are pictures of Thorn playing and making snow angels in the week before he died. He just loved this big white ball - and River took to sleeping with it after he died. The top right photo is of River sniffing a snow angel. The bottom right photo is one of the last I took of Thorn.
That is why on my blog I say he was an Angel. Merry Christmas my Thorn. He was CH Lindau Spiritdance Blackthorn TD TT JHD St. John's Ambulance Therapy Dog, 1997 - 2007.
Bad boys Thorn and Shaman in their younger years. I am sure they are together with all of my other dogs, waiting until we are all reunited.
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